word vomit of an aspiring butterfly
short and unpunctuated, just like my resentment
i really hate to do this to you but it feels like every time i talk to you or see your face it feels like touching a hot stove with an open wound and i do not want to feel like my flesh is burning anymore and the only way to do that is to make myself unrecognizable and act like you do not exist the only way to free myself is to make you an exile and curse the sound of your voice and avoid the spots you frequent like they are an active warzone until maybe if i am lucky you will forget about me and i will forget about you and it will be like nothing ever happened and everything i ever did will dissolve into thin air and i will start to become a different person who is not resentful and angry and affected by the thought of you and if you should see me on the street years from now you will treat me like you would a butterfly and you will admire my growth but you will not say anything because butterflies cannot speak or maybe they just choose not to but either way they can fly and that is probably more powerful than speaking and words can only mean so much and mine failed me and so did yours and you were a terrible listener and you were too understanding and i was too naive and you blew me out of proportion and i am still recovering from it but one day i will have wings and even though i no longer want you here lurking i want you to see them
This is exactly how I felt and still feel about him. We parted due to distance, and I was so hurt, because everything felt perfect with him, I needed a bad guy to blame for all the heartbreak I was going through, and so I tried to hate, resent, and blame him for all of it.
But I couldn't, and I still can't. I realized that we were both victims of destiny, we were meant to find each other, learn and love, only to part when time is due. Seeing him online, and interacting with my social accs without reaching out, affected me. But what hurt the most was him looking fine, while I was left in the same school, same streets where everything began, ended like it never happened. He left me exactly where we began, while he got to move away, forward, without me. Life happens and I realized it wasn't his fault, I'm glad that even when I tried to hate him, he didn't know because it was foolish of me to think I could ever hate him, I've finally moved on, and I'm so much happier and I can look back now and say I'm glad it happened, going through heartbreak made me grow so much as person. I don't want him to see me now, because I'd like to keep our last glance to each other the version who both were young, naive and in love. Maybe I have a different perspective in your words because of my experience but I felt very seen :) I hope he sees my wings too.
🥹🤍👏🏻